Compassion in Suffering

Facebook is a danger zone for someone struggling with infertility. It's possible that several of your Facebook friends are dealing with infertility, but they're obviously not broadcasting what is going on (or not going on) in their uterus or testicles. But for those who are having babies, posting every single update of their pregnancy journey is the funnest part about Facebook! Ultrasound pictures, cute stories about seeing the baby's foot across her stomach, and OH MY GOSH, complaining (!!!) about pregnancy.

Whenever a pregnant woman complains about her pregnancy, it's like my heart turns off, and I have absolutely no compassion in my soul. And I hate that, I truly do. I know pregnancy is hard, although I've never experienced it myself. But I'll find myself in a competition with her thinking, "I'm suffering way more than she is! At least she has a time limit on her suffering, and at the end of it all, she gets to hold her newborn baby! Who knows how long I'll be dealing with this crap! And who knows if I'll hold a baby at the end of this!"

I keep reminding myself that suffering is suffering, no matter what. It's not a competition, and it shouldn't even be compared from one person to the next. The fact that I'm suffering right now does not mean that I am excused from showing compassion and love to a brother or sister. 

I found an article a couple of weeks ago about singleness (click here to read). Ironically, it has been by far the most helpful article in relation to infertility. I simply went through the entire article and replaced the word "singleness" with "infertility". It called me out on a lot of bad attitudes that I have in my heart. Here's one quote from the article:

"Entitlement is one of the great dangers of singleness infertility. It creeps into everything, but at its core it convinces us to focus exclusively on us—a kind of survival mentality—often at the expense of others. As entitlement and self-preoccupation grow and invade our hearts, we become less interested in and compassionate toward others. But the life-giving fruit of the Spirit is kindness—an attitude of friendly sympathy and generosity."

After I read this, I thought about Jesus. He is the ultimate example of compassion, friendly sympathy, and generosity. He knew that he was going to experience ultimate suffering. Brutal death on the cross, taking on the weight of sin of the entire world—past, present, and future. But as he ministered to people, he didn't look at their suffering and say, "Pssh, you don't even KNOW suffering! I'll show you suffering!" He had compassion on them. He joined them in with their suffering. He healed them.

God has placed infertility in my life right now. I hate it. It is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me—and I'm not trying to be dramatic, here. But I am choosing to believe that He is using it to make me more Christlike. I know I've been seeing more and more of how far short I fall.

I want to have compassion for others. I want to be able to see other people's suffering, and respond to it with kindness—not with entitlement or competition. I'm a major work in progress.

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