Does anyone else hate that question? I hated that question from the moment husband and I got married. When we got married, I was still in school. Husband was working full time at a low-paying job to support us. We had NO money. It was risky enough for us to get married, so we knew it wasn't time to add another member to our family.
As time went on, I graduated and began to work full time as well. We were in a better place financially. When people asked at that time, I basically felt like they were asking when we were going to quit birth control, and if we were having a lot of sex.
It's really a completely innocent (although nosy) question, I know. I usually cut people plenty of slack the first couple of times asked, but if asked multiple times, I would have a harder and harder time restraining my annoyance.
But guess what? I have found a new way to ensure that people don't ask this question any more!
Since my surgery a couple of weeks ago, I've been slowly coming out of the infertility closet. It's been somewhat hilarious as I work out the appropriateness of what I share, who I share with, etc. I was talking to an older male coworker one day, and he asked how long I had been married. "Five years," I responded, knowing exactly what the next question was. "Do you have any kids?" I quickly responded, "no". It stung in my ears.
He went on the talk about how him and his wife had been on the five year plan, but his wife had quit birth control earlier, assuming it would take a while to get pregnant, but BAM! She was pregnant right away! He laughed at his wife's ability to get pregnant—like it was something cute. Meanwhile I'm feeling a little irritated, for no other reason than I am internally struggling with jealousy of his wife's ability to get pregnant.
Before even thinking, I blurted out, "Well, I'm infertile, so . . . no surprises like that for me." I assure you, the conversation about kids ended right then and there! Maybe there are benefits to being out of the infertility closet, after all!
Several times as I've thought over that conversation, I've shook my head wondering, "Why did I say that? Surely I made him really, really uncomfortable!" But infertility is uncomfortable. I've had to show my doctor charts of all the times I've had sex in the past year. I had to tell him about my cervical mucous. I had to have multiple exams, and even a surgery.
I really think that there should be more awareness about infertility. People need to be aware that some couples are suffering in silence—if only the keep them from asking that age old question, "when are you going to have kids?"
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