Prayer is Hard

The other day, a pregnant Facebook friend posted an image that had a prayer for a mom to pray for her child. My first-time pregnant friend posted how happy she was to be praying for the life growing inside of her. I genuinely felt happy for her. I smiled, knowing that she is getting a lot of joy from her baby and God's blessing in her life.

I started thinking about how prayer is easy when you're thankful and happy. And often times, a person is driven to prayer when something bad happens in their life. But what about when the bad won't go away? And you've been praying and praying, and it seems all for naught? That's when prayer gets hard. It seems like a chore. It takes so much energy. So much emotion. Sometimes I have to force myself to pray, because quite honestly, I don't want to.

I ran across an article today titled When God Feels Cruel (click here to read). It was helpful to me to reorient my thinking. To remind me to focus on what God says He is doing, and not what it feels like God is doing.

I feel like God isn't listening, but God says he is: "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even unto His ears. –Psalm 18:6

I feel like God is punishing me, but God says I am forgiven: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." –1 John 1:9

I feel like this situation is going to break me, but God says He will use it to build me up: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." –James 1:2–4

I feel like I am alone, but God says He is with me: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

I am so thankful that I ran into this article today. I'm expecting today to be a bad day, so it is good to have God's words fresh in my mind. I know it's silly to expect today to be bad, but I just know the routine. My temperature dropped today, so I am literally expecting my period to start any minute now. With the start of a period, comes the crashing down of the hope that I've built up this cycle. I also have my post-op appointment with my doctor. I have a sneaking suspicion that he is about to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist. He has pretty much done everything he can for me, at this point.

So today, if I encounter anything painful, I will remember that God is listening, God has forgiven me, God will use this situation to build me up, and that God is with me. And as I pray, I will give thanks for these promises.